All posts by SteveKarmazenuk

Like a Hurricaine

God fucking damn, depression just rolls over me like a fucking hurricaine.

It tears my entire self to shreds, doing collateral damage along the way (When the Steve Suit gets blown off).

And then one morning I wake up…and it’s gone.

I don’t feel fantastc, I don’t feel great, I don’t feel good.

But I feel Okay.

For now, that’s enough.

Why bother to stay alive?

I’ve failed as a writer, I’ve failed as a husband, I’ve failed as a father, clearly I’ve failed as a friend as it’s been over a year since eith of my supposed best friends would speak to me…

I’ve failed and failed and failed some more…I’ve failed so much I don’t want to live anymore.

I’m alone, I can’t find a job, and it looks like my former employer has poisoned the well after my little post-traumatic stress breakdown at work that they fired me over “We’re a family here to help” my ask…I can’t find work since losing my job, my unemployment’s running out and there’s not a fucking soul I can turn to.

I’m so fucking sick of it all…

The Pain of a Failed Father

My Eldest is afraid her mother is trying to “make me go away”…I had to promise her that nothing could ever stop me from being her father, or being there when she needed me.

I have done so much to crawl out of the low Hell I dug for myself, for the sake of my children…but my former friend, lover, the woman who bore my children, seems determined to rend them from me.

Am I so vile? Am I so despicable? Am I so unworthy of forgivenes…or at the very least, Human Kindness?