Tailspin

I’m tired of looking for reasons to keep going…my life is in a tailspin and the ground is rushing up fast, despite everything I keep trying, keep doing…

I am living with the unshakeable certainty that the end is coming.

The Sword of Damocles.

I just sent the following text message to my ex wife:
 
One day…whether you want it or not, Eva, Anya and Leks will seek me out…and then they will know you are the one who denied them access to their father.
 
For their sake, I am willing to play the long game.
 
And when you are older, you will have to defend your despicable actions to your own children.
 
Who do you think they’ll believe? Who do you think they’ll resent?
 
Block me if you wish…the Sword of Damocles is already over your head.

Indie Authors…

…I’ve watched so many indie authors come up out of nowhere, and, doing the same exercises I do, manage to attain higher heights of success than I could ever aspire to.

I climb a hill in the park, they reach the summit of Mount Fucking Everest.

I used to keep a list of authors who passed me by on their way to success…I used to even support and encourage them, thinking, foolishly, that Good Karma was a thing other than the first five letters of my family name.

Now I see that I will never succeed.  I will never be the great author I want to be.

It’s okay…really, I haven’t even been able to write in months.

My books are panned, and my loyal audience is dwindling.

Nothing that I have ever loved or enjoyed in my life has stayed.

Why should writing be any different?

Goodbye.

Author, Curmudgeon, Geek, Opinionated